tag:dreamwidth.org,2019-12-31:3598983 felixavenier felixavenier 2020-07-09T14:44:47Z tag:dreamwidth.org,2019-12-31:3598983:562 2020-07-09T14:44:47Z 2020-07-09T14:44:47Z public 0 i am a failure<br /><br />i am not diong what gives me the most joy<br />even if i did i am not making what i would like to make<br /><br />i dont know how to get out of this rut<br /><br />and i dont know how to be me <br />i try not to but i still live to please others<br />i wear a mask to make everyone else comfortable<br /><br />am i felix? am i someone else? do i even know anymore?<br />i am not me, and i feel that in my bones in a way that i cant stand anymore<br />but even if i change my outward body it doesnt matter, it isnt the same<br />i cant be me<br />i will never be me<br /><br />my whole life has been a waste<br /><br />when i speak people act like im a moron<br />when i try to express my pain or frustration it is ignored<br />when i am sick i am told im faking it<br /><br />my family doesnt care<br />so why should i<br /><br />do I have friends? do i even know what a friend is?<br /><br />i thought i was ok<br /><br />i am not ok anymore<br /><br />it doesnt matter<br />not even me<br /><br />when im gone whenever that may be in a year or less no one will even remember i was here<br /><br /><br />writing this hoping i can shake myself out of it<br />i dont know that i can<br /><br />maybe<br /><br />we will see<br /><br />or maybe we wont<br /><br /><br />who cares<br /><br /><img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=felixavenier&ditemid=562" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/> comments tag:dreamwidth.org,2019-12-31:3598983:274 2020-01-01T08:20:19Z 2020-01-01T08:20:19Z public 0 Testing!<br /><br /><img src="https://www.dreamwidth.org/tools/commentcount?user=felixavenier&ditemid=274" width="30" height="12" alt="comment count unavailable" style="vertical-align: middle;"/> comments